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Home > Am I About to Commit Financial Infidelity?

Am I About to Commit Financial Infidelity?

July 9th, 2008 at 04:11 pm

(The males in the group may want to stop reading this now, as this post falls under the TMI category. Consider yourselves warned.)

DH is currently on a long business trip. I am between work assignments. The first day I was off work I called a salon and scheduled an appointment. My appointment is tomorrow. I am going in to have a little "procedure" done. You see ... I am entering that certain "time of life" and have recently started noticing an increase in facial hair. (Fellas - I warned you. This is not a pretty post.) Fortunately it's very fine, super light peach fuzz. I think it's still at the stage where I'm the only one who really notices it, but it's definitely not going away on it's own and it won't be long before it is noticeable to others. So, I decided to get a facial waxing. (The idea of shaving bothers me for some reason. I don't want to use harsh chemical hair removal creams because I have sensitive skin. Electrolysis is expensive and I want to see how long the waxing lasts before I consider that option.) I scheduled this procedure while DH is gone and while I'm off work in case I have some sort of a reaction or breakout ... I'll have time to "heal" before I'm in the public eye.

Also, to tell you the truth, I'm embarassed to tell DH I'm having this done. My intellect tells me that this is something many women go through, and that it's just a biological thing and that I can't help it, but my emotional side fears the loss of femininity involved.

Here's where the possible "financial infidelity" comes in ... I stopped off at the bank while I was out running errands this morning and withdrew some cash so that I don't have to put the charge on my CC. DH doesn't scrutinize the bank statements, but he does check over the CC bills.

We each are given "pocket money" (allowance) each month that we are allowed to spend on whatever we want, and since I spend so little I have a great big fat "pocket money cushion" saved up, so it's definitely not like I'm spending money I'm not "entitled" to spend. (BTW, we are talking about $50 including tax & tip. I printed out an on-line coupon for new customers that will knock $10 off the cost.) And if I told DH about it, he might think it was a bit unnecessary and a bit of a waste of money, but I know he wouldn't try to stop me from doing it. He has never complained about my spending. This expenditure will get recorded in our household books, but just generically as "pocket money." (From time to time I get some cash to use as "walking around money" so it will look like that is what I did.)

But the fact remains that I am going to pay cash for something just so DH doesn't find out about it. Is that wrong? Ladies, have you ever done anything similar? Guys (if any of you are still reading), how would you feel if your wife did something like this?

14 Responses to “Am I About to Commit Financial Infidelity?”

  1. Apprentice Fun-Frugalist Says:

    I wouldn't mind at all... especially since its $50 dollars and not $1000.

  2. zetta Says:

    If you spent that $50 on a haircut, highlights, a new outfit, or a massage, would you feel compelled to fill DH in on the details? I don't see this as financial infidelity in any way. You're simply choosing to spend your pocket money on a beauty treatment instead of some other item or activity.

  3. merch Says:

    I stopped reading after you warned me not read further. So, I have no advice.


  4. sillyoleme Says:

    I don't see anything wrong with it. Like you said, it's your "pocket money" to spend, so unless you're using it for something that would really damage your relationship, I see no reason that you have to fill him in on the details.

    And it's not like your DH would get mad about it if he found out, I'm sure he'd understand that it's not something you felt like bringing up.

  5. frugaltexan75 Says:

    I agree with the others. You have pocket money each month that you haven't spent -- so now you have a use for some of it. Pocket money or "blow" money is supposed to be "no questions asked" money. This sounds like it is something truly important to you and to how you feel about yourself.

    When your husband comes back, you'll be feeling so good about yourself that hubby just might get a little extra benefit from it. Smile

  6. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    I have taken to calling my husband "Girlfriend" when I talk to him about girly things, which I do all the time. But I just told him about your situation and asked him if he'd want me to tell him and he said he'd rather I didn't tell him. Of course it might be that he'd rather I didn't tell him 99% of the appearance related stuff that I do. I think I understand about the infidelity angle, because if I did not tell my husband about doing that, it would be inconsistent. I tell him every other darned detail. I mean, I just dyed my hair and for 24+ hours he has been hearing my nuanced analysis of how it went, complete with several updated observations and things to ponder. If I went mute on a facial waxing issue, it would be withholding. Truth is, he probably wishes I would withhold some of my "Girlfriend" talk.

  7. my english castle Says:

    oh man--$50 for a Beauty treatment. You're entitled.
    And I think it's not something men really need to know.
    Only with girlfriends can you really talk about stuff like that.
    Go for it!

  8. scfr Says:

    Thanks so much you guys. I feel a lot better.

    I don't get beauty treatments like highlights, etc., but if I did then no, I wouldn't feel obligated to tell DH, but he'd know. He works from home, I used to have a home-based business, we share one car, all of our assets are joint ... Our lives are just so intertwined that we know generally know the minute details of each others lives whether we want to or not.

    It's just the business of withdrawing cash from the bank so it doesn't appear on a CC statement that feels somehow sneaky, but you guys are right that it's one of those things it's probably better he NOT know.

    Thanks to Apprentice and to Joan's husband for the male perspective. And to Merch & Joan, when I read your posts I started laughing so hard tears were running down my face, so thanks.

  9. compulsive debtor Says:

    I don't see why you have to tell your husband. It's not like you're spending $1,000 or even $100.

  10. Swimgirl Says:

    I had a friend who just got "cash over" at the grocery store when she shopped for just such a use. It was a small amount when divided over several shopping trips ($5 per trip, I think). All my friends and I laughed so hard about it! The friend felt a little guilty at first, but we talked her out of it... and her husband would have, too, if he realized that $5 a week was going to make her so happy!

    My husband and I actually have a deal that either one of us can spend up to $100 without permission/discussion with the other. Of course, we rarely do... mainly for gifts for each other around birthdays or Christmas. I KNOW my husband would approve of me spending money the way you are if I thought it was something that I needed or would make me feel better.

    This is personal. $50 to make you feel better... a deal! Go for it!

    And we want to hear how it turns out...

  11. asmom Says:

    Trust me, this is something he'd rather not know about. It's only $50, it's your money and it's not as if you're spending it on hookers and blow. Enjoy!

  12. Ima saver Says:

    I don't tell my husband about every dime I spend either. Just enjoy yourself!!

  13. Broken Arrow Says:

    You should know by now that if you put up a sign saying "Don't read this if you're a guy!" I'm definitely going to read it! Big Grin

    But seriously, I personally wouldn't have any problem with this. Completely understandable.

    To me, this doesn't qualify as "financial infidelity". To me, this qualifies under that ambiguous but acceptable expense called "her needs". It's lumped together with other things like tampons, mammograms, visits to the OB/GYN, and even the occasional facials, manicures, and pedicures. You know, stuff us guys really don't understand or even want to know. All we know is that it somehow makes the difference between a happy woman and a grumpy woman. And for a happy woman, we'll take the expense hit any day. Big Grin

  14. scfr Says:

    asmom - Your comment really rang a bell with me. Someone once asked me if I was bothered by my husband spending money on golf, and I replied: Nope! He could be wasting money on strippers. Instead he spends some money getting exercise and socializing with some nice guys ... Nothing to be bothered by there.

    BA - Why am I not surprised you read all the way to the gory end? I like that term "her needs"!

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